jamesoff.net




19
Feb
2008
0

bMotion wins again

Sometimes, NoTopic gets it just right :)

[@         Time] nt, do you have a job?
[@      NoTopic] but of "course"
[@         Time] nt, what is your job?
[@      NoTopic] I can't tell you that!
*      JamesOff . o O ( mi5 )
[@         Time] i was thinking six :(
[@         Time] nt, do you work for a secret government organisation?
[@      NoTopic] i do
[@      NoTopic] despite having no mouth
[@         Time] :--o
[@         Time] nt, mi5 or mi6?
[@     JamesOff] it's so secret they took away his mouth
*       NoTopic thinks
[@      NoTopic] Time: mi6.
[@         Time] rut roh
[@         Time] nt, are any of us under suspicion?
[@      NoTopic] i am not at liberty to discuss that
[@         Time] :-x
[@         Time] he's too clever for me

Permalink | Posted in Fun and tagged  



8
Feb
2008
0

Wrong number again

O2 apparently recycled my phone number too quickly after its previous owner relinquished it, so ever since I’ve had it (a bit under a year now) I’ve been receiving phone calls and SMSes for “Debbie.” Generally I just explain that it’s not her phone any more and would they please go away. I felt sorry for the guy who had put a lot of effort into preparing a happy birthday MMS for her complete with attached birthday cake clip-art.

Last night as a birthday present for me, I got this message from a random number: (reproduced here exactly as it was received)

Sos 4 delay, yes we’d luv 2 come 4 sun lunch. Wot time? Hopn ur al wel,hav bin recoverin from an arse op!Very painful!Wil fil u in wen i c u.X

So I exercised enormous restraint and ignoring the bait replied “Think you’ve got the wrong number :)” to which I recevied:

Is that not u debbie?Txt was from nicola x

Nope, sorry. Hope the arse gets better though.


Permalink | Posted in Fun random and tagged  



3
Feb
2008
2

Old phones

While sorting out boxes of stuff hidden away in a cupboard (so I’d have less pointless stuff to carry around when we move house), I came across some of my old mobile phones.

Exactly why I kept them I’m not sure, but I tend to find it difficult to throw old hardware away in general. I have a whole drawer of old ISA cards that I need to sort out later.

About the only reason to keep stuff like this is to laugh at it years later:

Ericsson SH888

Ericsson SH888

My first mobile phone, which I got in late 1999/early 2000 I think. It’s definitely a ‘brick’ phone, being shaped exactly like one only slightly bigger and less useful for contacting your friends. It has a three-line block character display so the most graphical part of the menus was an arrow character indicating where you could scroll. I remember two things in particular about this phone: it was very very slow and the way the battery clipped on the back meant pulling it out of your pocket could cut the power (before it had saved a record of who the incoming call was from).

Nokia 7110

Nokia 7110 closed Nokia 7110 open

This was my second phone which I got in mid-2000. It’s a slide phone, a bit like the one used by Neo in The Matrix. It has a little silver button on the back which where your finger rests which makes the slide jump open. They were renowned for breaking, particularly if you let your friends play with them. The other gimmick of this phone was the roller control, which worked like a scroll wheel on a mouse. It was ok, although I think it was easy to accidentally scroll and select the item either side of what you actually wanted when you tried to click. There were a couple of scrollwheel-based games on it but nothing amazing. It was also a bit slow, but was my first phone with predictive text.

Nokia 6820

Nokia 6820 closed Nokia 6820 open

Skip forward a couple of handsets (a Nokia 6230 which was awesome and a Sony Z7 which was shit) and we arrive at the Nokia 6820. I could never actually remember this phone’s model number and even now found it so unmemorable that I had to look under the battery three times. It was a pretty neat phone though, which swung open (and rotated 90 degrees) to give a split QWERTY keyboard for writing texts. It was marketed as a business phone but the mobile browser on it was so rubbish I think they’d have been better sticking to branding it a phone for people who send a lot of SMSes. The QWERTY keyboard worked really well but the phone was let down by a display that was slow to update (very Dual scan) and was set about half a centimeter back from the plastic case which was a bit weird.

All these phones have finally been consigned to the bin having at last served the purpose I probably kept them for - nostalgia.


Permalink | Posted in Fun and tagged  



18
Nov
2007
1


Permalink | Posted in Fun Photos what 



28
Oct
2007
0

A productive day

What a productive day (for a Sunday):

  1. Released bMotion 0.1.0 - only about 3 years after I planned on it originally. 0.1.0 is greatly improved over the previous version, and a few weeks ago I finally decided I should stop pointless tinkering with it and get a stable releasable version :)

  2. Finished Zelda: Phantom Hourglass on the DS - mainly in celebration of releasing bMotion.

  3. Started using my Simple Monitor project at home and on my colo, and it’s working well so far. The only problem was that both machines needed Python updating to support the native sqlite class. Once that was fixed, both worked fine and are now monitoring their services. Once I get some other features I’m planning on written in, I’ll release it for other people to try.





21
Jul
2007
4

TASK: Shoot yourself in the foot

I found this online somewhere while I was working at Grey Matter, and I’ve had it printed out ever since. So I can recycle the hardcopy, I’m reproducing it here. Feel free to add your own contributions in the comments :)

TASK: Shoot yourself in the foot

  • C: You shoot yourself in the foot

  • C++: You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can’t tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, “That’s me, over there.”

  • FORTRAN: You shoot yourself in each toe iteratively until you run out toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue with the attempts to shoot yourself anyway because you have no exception-handling capability.

  • Pascal: The compiler won’t let you shoot yourself in the foot.

  • Ada: After correctly packing your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself in the foot. When you try, however, you discover you can’t because your foot is of the wrong type.

  • COBOL: Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether SHOELACE needs to be RE-TIED.

  • LISP: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which …

  • FORTH: Foot in yourself shoot.

  • Prolog: You tell your program that you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn’t permit it to explain it to you.

  • BASIC: Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On large systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.

  • Visual Basic: You’ll only appear to have shot yourself in the foot, but you’ll have had so much fun doing it that you won’t care.

  • HyperTalk: Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of log of you. Answer the result.

  • Motif: You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the bullet, its trajectory, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun jams.

  • APL: You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters.

  • SNOBOL: If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot.

  • Concurrent Euclid: You shoot yourself in somebody else’s foot.

  • 370 JCL: You send your foot down to MIS and include a 400-page document explaining exactly how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep fried.

  • Paradox: Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, but your users can too.

  • Access: You try to point the gun at your foot, but it shoots holes in all your Borland distributions diskettes instead.

  • Revelation: You’re sure you’re going to be able to shoot yourself in the foot, just as soon as you figure out what all these nifty little bullet thingies are for.

  • Assembler: You try to shoot yourself in the foot, only to discover you must first invent the gun, the bullet, the trigger, and your foot.

  • Modula2: After realising that you can’t actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.


Permalink | Posted in Coding Fun 



18
Jul
2007
0

On singular nouns

Datum is the singular of data.

If you take one biscuit out of a pack of Rivita, is it a Rivitum?





27
Apr
2007
1

When opers are bored

[+     JamesOff] HI I'M BARRY SCOTT
[+          alz] JamesOff (james@im.barry.scott)
[+     JamesOff] \o/
                 BARRYS joins [HI@IM.BARRY.SCOTT]
                 limescale joins [ground@in.dirt]
*     limescale pokes BARRYS
                 limescale quits IRC [ground@in.dirt] [Killed (BARRYS (BANG! And the dirt is gone!))]

Permalink | Posted in Fun internets 



26
Apr
2007
1

Parking Failures

People who park like morons on purpose really annoy me. Yesterday I got home from work to find this bit of specialdom going on in our car park:

scratch/phone/DSC00467.JPG

I was pleased to see though (once I’d managed to maneuver around them into my space) that they’d been given a parking fine by the security company that looks after our car park.


Permalink | Posted in Fun General 



4
Apr
2007
4

Weekes Letting Agency is crap

Congratulations to Becky and Dave who finally got Dave’s sizable deposit ,-* back from Weekes Estate Agents after 9 months delay and a lot of being told “yeah the cheque’s in the post” and “oh the guy who writes those cheques isn’t in the office/is busy/has no arms/possibly never existed today”.

Success was finally achieved by (after they slipped on their promise of doing a bank transfer last week) Becky visiting the office in person and demanding to be given the cheque. No news yet on if it’s bounced or not…

Read it from the horse’s keyboard here


Permalink | Posted in Fun General